Episode Transcript
[00:00:09] Hi, everyone, and welcome back to the Breathe and Release podcast.
[00:00:15] My name is Jillian Rose, and I am so glad that you're here with me today.
[00:00:22] In this session, we'll explore Metta, our loving kindness as it's understood in the Tibetan Buddhist tradition, Meta is sometimes described as the wish for all beings to be happy and free and to find the causes of happiness.
[00:00:40] But what does that actually mean in practice?
[00:00:44] It's worth taking a moment to understand this, because loving kindness is often misunderstood as a sentimental feeling that we're supposed to manufacture or a way of pretending like we like everyone equally.
[00:00:58] And it's neither of those things.
[00:01:00] At its core, meta begins with a simple recognition.
[00:01:06] You want to be happy. You want your life to go well.
[00:01:11] And when you're suffering, you want that suffering to end.
[00:01:15] This isn't selfish, it's simply true.
[00:01:19] And here's what's remarkable.
[00:01:21] Every person that you encounter is operating from the exact same, same basic motivation.
[00:01:29] The colleague who frustrates you, the stranger on the bus, and even people whose politics or behavior you find troubling or even disturbing.
[00:01:38] They're all trying, in sometimes a confused way, to be happy and to avoid suffering.
[00:01:46] Most of us, most of the time, don't actually know what will make us happy, Right?
[00:01:54] We grasp at things that don't satisfy us, even if we think they will.
[00:01:59] We protect ourselves in ways that create more isolation.
[00:02:03] We cause harm, often without meaning to, because we're caught in patterns we didn't choose and maybe we don't understand.
[00:02:12] Loving kindness is a practice of training the mind to hold this bigger, more nuanced picture.
[00:02:22] It doesn't ask you to approve of harmful actions or abandon discernment. And it's not about liking everyone.
[00:02:29] It's about recognizing our shared predicament and softening the reflexive hardness that we bring. That judgment, the contempt, the indifference.
[00:02:43] And here's something else that's worth noting.
[00:02:46] This practice benefits you different. Directly.
[00:02:49] Holding resentment or maintaining hostility.
[00:02:53] These are heavy burdens to carry.
[00:02:56] They color your experience of the world.
[00:02:59] Loving kindness isn't just altruistic.
[00:03:03] It's a more intelligent way to move through life.
[00:03:09] The approach we're taking comes from a tradition that's been refining these practices over two millennia.
[00:03:18] The insight is that loving kindness can be cultivated just like any other skill you're training your mind.
[00:03:26] Some days it will feel natural and opening.
[00:03:29] Other days it will feel difficult, or maybe you'll notice resistance.
[00:03:34] All of that is fine. You're still doing the practice.
[00:03:39] So with all of that said, let's Begin.
[00:03:49] Take a moment to find a posture that's comfortable for you.
[00:03:56] Perhaps you're sitting upright in a chair.
[00:03:59] You can even be lying down if that's more comfortable.
[00:04:04] But just allow your body to settle.
[00:04:11] Gently close your eyes or let your gaze rest softly downwards.
[00:04:20] Start by taking a few full breaths, letting each exhale release tension just slowly starting to arrive here.
[00:04:37] And now bring your attention to the sensation of breathing.
[00:05:33] You might feel it most clearly at the nostrils or at the upper lip as the air comes in and out through the nose, or maybe in the gentle rise and fall of your chest or your belly.
[00:05:52] Wherever it's most vivid or most interesting for you, rest your attention there.
[00:06:31] There's nothing to change about the breath.
[00:06:34] Simply notice it as it is.
[00:06:38] The coolness of the in breath, the warmth of the out breath, the rhythm of this process that continues whether we pay attention to it or not.
[00:07:17] Sa.
[00:08:01] Your mind will wander.
[00:08:03] This is completely natural.
[00:08:06] Minds think, that's what they do.
[00:08:10] When you notice you've drifted into thought, gently acknowledge it and return to the breath.
[00:08:18] This moment of noticing, this return, this is actually the meditation.
[00:08:26] You're not failing when your mind wanders.
[00:08:29] You're succeeding. When you notice and come back.
[00:09:07] Continue resting attention on the breath, patiently returning each time you drift.
[00:09:15] There's no urgency here, no destination, just this continuous practice of noticing and returning.
[00:11:31] As the mind begins to settle even slightly, notice the quality of awareness that's available.
[00:11:40] This steadiness, this capacity to be present, is the ground from which loving kindness can arise.
[00:11:55] Maintaining this quality of presence, bring your attention to your own life, your own experience, and consider for a moment what is it you actually want beneath surface desires. Success, security, Approval?
[00:12:29] Perhaps there's something more fundamental.
[00:12:33] You want to be well.
[00:12:36] You want to be free from suffering.
[00:12:40] You want your life to have meaning and ease.
[00:12:46] This is completely natural, and there's nothing wrong with wanting these things.
[00:13:16] Now see if you can bring some kindness to yourself, to this being, this miraculous being who's doing their very best with a mind and a body and a set of circumstances that weren't chosen.
[00:13:38] You can use these traditional phrases as a support, letting them resonate at whatever level that feels authentic to you.
[00:13:52] May I be happy, May I be healthy and strong.
[00:14:04] May I be safe, May I live with ease.
[00:14:19] Try to take in these phrases, allowing them to land even if it feels a bit awkward at first.
[00:14:30] And just notice whatever you notice inside.
[00:14:37] Sa.
[00:15:16] Now bring to mind someone who's been genuinely kind to you, maybe a teacher, a friend or a family member.
[00:15:26] Someone whose Care for you has been clear and uncomplicated.
[00:15:34] Take a moment to bring their face, their presence, into your awareness.
[00:16:01] This person also knows what it is to suffer.
[00:16:06] They've had their own struggles, their own moments of confusion and pain, and yet they've treated you with kindness.
[00:16:18] Recognizing this, see if you can offer them some well wishing.
[00:16:26] May you be happy.
[00:16:30] May you be healthy and strong.
[00:16:36] May you be safe.
[00:16:40] May you live with ease and just notice whatever you notice inside.
[00:17:36] Now shift your attention to someone more neutral in your life.
[00:17:42] Someone you see regularly but you don't have strong feelings about.
[00:17:47] Maybe someone who works in a store you go to, or a neighbor you exchange greeting with, but you don't really know.
[00:18:16] Bring this person into your awareness.
[00:18:19] They have an entire life that you know almost nothing about.
[00:18:26] Concerns about money, health, relationships, hopes and disappointments.
[00:18:36] The full complexity of a human life.
[00:18:41] And like you, like everyone, they want to be happy.
[00:18:52] Start to include them now in your practice.
[00:19:00] May you be happy.
[00:19:05] May you be healthy and strong.
[00:19:10] May you be safe.
[00:19:13] May you live with ease and just pay attention to anything that's arising for you inside.
[00:19:49] SA.
[00:20:22] Now start to bring to mind someone that you have difficulty with.
[00:20:29] It's wise to start with someone moderately challenging, rather than the most difficult person that you can think of.
[00:20:38] Let their image start to arise.
[00:20:58] Notice whatever resistance or tightness starts to appear, there's no need to make it go away.
[00:21:10] Just observe it with the same curiosity.
[00:21:33] This person has almost certainly caused you frustration or even pain.
[00:21:41] And yet they too are trying to be happy.
[00:21:49] Maybe they're going about it unskillfully, maybe causing harm in the process.
[00:21:56] But their actions come perhaps from confusion, from their own unexamined pain, from conditioning, perhaps, that they didn't choose.
[00:22:11] Now, this understanding doesn't excuse harmful behavior.
[00:22:16] You can maintain boundaries and still recognize someone's humanity.
[00:22:23] See if you can access even a small amount of well wishing for them.
[00:22:33] May you be happy.
[00:22:38] May you be healthy and strong.
[00:22:44] May you be safe.
[00:22:49] May you live long with ease.
[00:23:04] If this feels impossible, that's completely fine.
[00:23:09] You can return to someone easier or even back to yourself.
[00:23:15] There's no need to force it.
[00:23:18] But just notice with curiosity what arises for you inside sa.
[00:24:16] Now, let your awareness expand outwards.
[00:24:20] Include everyone in your immediate life, then your wider community, then the city or the town where you live.
[00:24:38] Let it expand even further.
[00:24:42] The whole region, the entire country, the whole planet, all beings everywhere, every person navigating their own particular confusion and pain.
[00:25:12] All of them wanting fundamentally the same thing to be okay, to not suffer and to find peace.
[00:25:37] Hold this expansive awareness and offer your intention.
[00:25:46] May all beings be happy.
[00:25:52] May all beings be healthy and strong.
[00:25:59] May all beings be safe.
[00:26:03] May all beings live with ease.
[00:26:17] Rest in this openness for a few moments, not straining to feel anything in particular, just holding the intention.
[00:26:47] Sa gently let go of the phrases and return to the simple awareness of breathing.
[00:27:50] Notice the quality of your mind and your heart right now.
[00:28:00] Even if the feelings were subtle, something has shifted.
[00:28:08] You've inclined your mind in a particular direction.
[00:28:40] Take a moment to dedicate whatever benefit has come from this practice, may it contribute in some way to the well being of all beings.
[00:29:26] Whenever you're ready, slowly, slowly start to open your eyes and bring this intention of loving kindness with you into the rest of your day.
